Nothing Can Compare
by Dancinstar
Summary: Chapter 8! Max returns home after two years away from Seattle. Now she must confront everyone with the reason she left. *COMPLETED*
1. Welcome to the World

Disclaimer: We all agree that I do not own any of these characters or any aspect of Dark Angel, right? If not, just nod your head yes and humor me, because I promise that I don't.  
  
Timeframe: Some parts of Meow have already occurred, but not all of it. Let's just say Max and Logan didn't share that kiss.  
  
A/N: Inspiration struck, and I wrote. Hope you enjoy. And please let me know if you'd like me to continue. I have a few thoughts on where I'd like to take the story, but I want to know what you think too.  
  
  
  
Nothing Can Compare  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Okay honey, it's time for you to start pushing," stated Beth, the midwife.  
  
The patient let out a whimper. "No, not now. It hurts too much."  
  
Syl brushed the hair off of Max's glistening face and gave her hand a comforting squeeze. "Come on soldier," she said. "Suck it up. You can take the pain."  
  
Max glared at her sister. "Yeah Syl, just wait till you're giving birth."  
  
"Me, pregnant? You've got to be kidding," she replied with a laugh. "I'd rather go back to Hell than have children."  
  
"Gee, you're making me feel so much better."  
  
Syl smiled. "That's my job baby sister."  
  
"Would you just shut up before I have to kick your ass?" Max uttered with a growl.  
  
"In your condition, I'd like to see you try."  
  
Nine months ago Max's hormones had taken control of her body, and she'd given in. It's a decision she's regretted every moment since that night. Max knew it wasn't all her fault, but she damn well could've done more to prevent it from happening. Now she was lying on the poorest excuse for a bed ever made, going through the most painful thing she's ever experienced.  
  
Beth gave out her next commands with ease. "When you have another contraction, Max, I want you to bear down and push with all of your strength. Syl, count down from 10 and make sure she's breathing like she's supposed to."  
  
A wave of pain hit Max and she lost her focus on the outside world. Though her body was following every order, her mind was elsewhere. Memories of her siblings, the JamPony crew and Seattle flashed in her head. She would give anything to be able to return to her life as a carefree nineteen-year- old. Though unfortunately that just wasn't a possibility anymore.  
  
Syl's calm voice brought her back to reality. "Okay rest, Max. You're doing great."  
  
"Is it over yet?" she begged.  
  
"Almost. Just a little more to go," came Beth's reply.  
  
"Ugh. You would think with all of the enhancements they gave us, they would at least make childbirth a little easier."  
  
Part of Max had known she was pregnant. Mother's intuition, you could call it. She'd picked up a pregnancy test two weeks after that fateful night and hidden it in her room. It took another three days just to get the courage to take it. When the stick had turned pink instead of blue, Max had immediately hit the road. Her one-hour lunch break had turned into a lifetime free of JamPony. She didn't even leave a note to say goodbye.  
  
Max didn't know why she ran. Instinct, probably. What else could she have done? She sure wasn't about to force the father into eighteen years of child support when she was the one who jumped him. Staying in Seattle and working at JamPony wasn't an option, either. Manticore knew she was there, and it would be easier for them to get their hands on her child. In her mind, taking off on her motorcycle was the only choice.  
  
"Next contraction's coming up soon," Syl stated. "Get ready to push."  
  
Instead of focusing on the pain, Max tried to remember what city she was in. It was seven months ago that she'd found Syl in Vegas. Her sister had promised to stick with her and help her get through at least the rest of the pregnancy. Together they had crossed the country, stopping in Santa Fe, Austin and Washington DC. Then there was Charleston and Atlanta. But somehow they managed to make it all the way to Miami before Max went into labor. Why she ever let Syl talk her into coming here when it was the middle of July, she had no idea. Giving birth in a one-room apartment without air conditioning when it was a hundred degrees outside was not her idea of fun. Even worse, her Ninja had to be sold in Phoenix because Syl wouldn't let her ride it anymore.  
  
Finally the contraction was over. "I can't take this anymore. Remind me to never let another man touch me ever again."  
  
"I wish I could, baby sister. But we both know our genetics just don't work that way. A few months from now you'll be breaking down the door to get your hands on a guy." As was the curse of Manticore. It was the only reason she was in this mess. If not for that night, she could still be living her happy little life back in Seattle.  
  
It killed her to not be able to pick up the phone and call, but it was for the best. Everyone was a whole lot safer without her around. Plus, she feared what her friends would think about her. She didn't have a boyfriend, she wasn't like that with Logan, and she would never have slept with Sketchy. So, it would be kind of difficult to explain why she was suddenly carrying a child. Max regretted not letting her friends know she was leaving, but she feared that if she didn't leave right away, she wouldn't be able to leave at all. She only hoped they had all decided to move on with their lives and wouldn't try to come after her.  
  
"Get the water and towels ready. Here comes this baby."  
  
Following a final push, an ear-piercing scream and several "encouraging" words from Syl, the cries of a newborn child echoed throughout the room. Immediately Max's eyes filled with tears of joy and she longed to hold her creation.  
  
Beth made it official. "Congratulations, Max. It's a healthy baby girl." Ten fingers, ten toes, and better yet, no barcode.  
  
Even Syl found herself a little emotional. "You did great Maxie. She's beautiful."  
  
"She is, isn't she?"  
  
To Max, it was all worth it. Her childhood, her seizures, even her heat were all worth this one moment. Nothing would ever compare to being a mother for the first time.  
  
Unfortunately, Beth had to step in. "Sorry to interject, Mom, but I need to take this little one and get her all cleaned up. I'll be back in just a few minutes."  
  
Syl stood up as well. "You sleep for a while, baby sister. I'll go on sentry duty."  
  
"Hey, thanks, Syl. You know, for being here with me and everything." Her sister had done so much to help Max through these past months, both physically and emotionally.  
  
"Don't worry about it. There's nothing I would have rather done."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A few hours later, Syl walked over to visit the clean, quieted baby and the well-rested mother. Beth had left a while ago after making sure mom and baby were both safe and sound. Max now lay in bed holding her sleeping daughter.  
  
"So this is why everyone raves about motherhood," she commented. "Who knew I could love someone as easily and unconditionally as I love my angel?"  
  
"Certainly none of the class of '09." Syl paused, reflecting on the scene before her. "I'm proud of you, Max. Out of all of us, I think you're the one most likely to actually have a normal life."  
  
"You think so, huh?"  
  
She nodded. "Definitely."  
  
"I certainly hope so." After all, a normal life had been her goal ever since she'd broken out of Manticore. So far Tinga had gotten the closest out of all of them. She'd had a family, even if only for a while. Zane had a dog, which was a start. He and Jondy both had jobs, too. Or at least they had before Eyes Only made that broadcast. As for the rest, Syl and Krit chose to move from place to place, never making any emotional attachments. Brin was back at Manticore and Ben was, well, gone.  
  
Then there was Zack. Big brother had no life whatsoever. He was too busy keeping tabs on all of them. Max hadn't seen him since she left Seattle, but that didn't mean he wasn't following them. He probably knew exactly where they were and how long they'd been there. Which meant he probably already knew about the baby, too. Oh well, if Zack didn't like it, he'd just have to deal with it. She didn't let him control her life in Seattle, and she wasn't going to let him do it now.  
  
Syl opened her mouth to speak but then shut it again, deciding to wait to ask the question she truly wanted answered. Instead, she'd go with her second choice. "So, Max, have you picked out a name yet?"  
  
She shook her head. "Not really. I need some time to find just the right one."  
  
"Well, if you want my opinion, Syl is a good choice."  
  
Max raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"  
  
"Yeah. But that's just my opinion."  
  
"Well, like I said, I have to think about it. For now I'm just going to enjoy being here with her."  
  
Though as happy as she felt, Max couldn't ignore the horrible feeling of fear in the pit of her stomach that grew bigger each minute. A new baby meant new responsibilities. Max wouldn't be on her own anymore. There was another person to worry about. Another life was completely depending on her. She was on her own.  
  
"Are you sure you don't want to call the father?" Syl quickly asked, almost reading her mind.  
  
Max sighed. Leave it to her sister to remind her of the other thing bothering her. "I've told you before, I'm not calling him. He isn't going to know about this."  
  
"But I still don't understand why not." She smiled. "I'd milk him for every dime he's worth if I were you."  
  
"Of course you would, Syl," Max replied with a laugh. "But I don't want to do that. It's not his fault this happened. And I don't want to obligate him into proposing or something stupid like that." She knew most guys would do just that if they found themselves in this situation. It was supposed to be some sort of chivalrous act or something. But a baby just isn't a good enough reason for a couple to get married.  
  
"Look, all I'm saying is he deserves to know he has a daughter, don't you think? Especially one this cute."  
  
She was right. He should know. But Max had already made up her mind. "Maybe one day. For right now, though, I think I better stick to the original plan and leave him alone."  
  
"If you say so." Defeated, Syl turned to leave. "Listen, you want anything? I'm going to run to the store and pick up a few items Beth suggested we get for the baby."  
  
Max looked up at her sister. "I think I'm good for right now, thanks."  
  
"No problem." She stepped outside and shut the door behind her, leaving Max with her thoughts.  
  
For the thousandth time that week, Max reflected on the decisions she's made. She had to leave. She had to. If only things had been different. If only this hadn't happened while she was in heat. Max had realized she loved her child the minute she was born. Nothing could ever change that. But she also realized she didn't want to raise a child all alone.  
  
"Father or not, I'm going to take care of you, little one. I promise."  
  
Though, she really needed to come up with a better name than "little one". Max liked the idea of using one of her sisters' or friends' names, but none seemed to fit well with Guevara. Yes, despite her mental ranting about how dangerous it was to use the same name as she had in Seattle, Max liked the normalcy it brought. Also, she subconsciously hoped that Cindy or Logan truly would come looking for her one day and would try to find her under her old name.  
  
After laying her daughter down on the bed, Max picked up the book of baby names from the end table. Syl had bought the book for her a couple of months ago, but Max kept avoiding looking through it. Maybe now that the baby was here it would be easier to name her. Flipping through the pages, one name caught her eye. Jordan. She'd known someone with that name before.  
  
Max tried it out. "Jordan Guevara. Jordan Cale Guevara." She smiled. It definitely fit well with the middle name she had chosen when she left Seattle. "Welcome to the world, Jordan. I love you."  
  
With that problem solved, Max closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.  
  
Outside, Syl let out a small laugh. She'd been listening to her sister the entire time. After seven months of prodding, her conclusions about the mysterious father had finally been proven. Maxie could say she left because of her heat, or because of Manticore. Syl knew the truth. She was scared of facing Logan. However, she also knew it was only a matter of time before Max gave in and went back to Seattle.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
So, what did you think? Should I continue? Please review! 


	2. Let's All Go Home Again

Disclaimer: We all agree that I do not own any of these characters or any aspect of Dark Angel, right? If not, just nod your head yes and humor me, because I promise that I don't.  
  
A/N: I'm tired of playing with this chapter. It's not perfection, but I'm satisfied with it. This is mostly just filler. I promise the good stuff will come later. Please enjoy, and remember that feedback is always requested and enjoyed.  
  
  
  
Let's All Go Home Again  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Are you sure you'll be all right by yourself?" Syl asked. Nineteen months ago Max had found her in Las Vegas, and they had stayed together since. Now she was going off on her own separate way again.  
  
"We'll be fine," Max replied with that stop-being-overprotective tone. "I've been on my own before, remember?"  
  
"Yes, but you didn't have a baby with you then," she shot back. Little Jordan had just turned a year old last week. The infant was surprisingly quiet and serene, very much unlike her mother. Syl figured those characteristics came from daddy's side.  
  
Max finished buckling her daughter into the car seat as her sister packed the final box into the trunk. "Thanks to you Syl, I've gotten used to having her around. You've been such a big help to both of us, I don't think we could ever thank you enough."  
  
"Just make sure you come visit—a lot." She said with a stern look. Syl joined her sister at the driver's door of the cherry colored Aztec to say goodbye, wondering yet again why Max had wanted this car so badly.  
  
"You know, you can still come with us," Max offered with a teasing smile. "Nothing says you have to stay here." Though she already knew Syl would turn her down. It was simply time for them to live their own lives again.  
  
"Nah," she replied, "I like it here. I think I'll wait till pain-in-the- ass kicks me out of town and then head north." Zack had already forced the trio to move three times in the last year, mumbling something about keeping a low profile. No doubt he would do it again soon. But at least he'd let them stay together. They probably would've put the smackdown on his ass had he tried to do otherwise.  
  
Sadly, Max leaned over and embraced her sister. "I'm gonna miss you. But you have the number where I should be staying, so don't hesitate to call."  
  
"I won't," Syl promised. "The same goes for you, too. Call me when you get there so I won't worry."  
  
Sighing, Max realized she would never stop being everyone's baby sister that needed protection. "I will. Bye, Syl."  
  
"Bye, Maxie." With a last squeeze, they pulled apart and Max got into the car. "See ya later, Jordan," Syl called to her niece. She was definitely going to miss those two. It just wouldn't be the same in her apartment without high chairs and diapers and baby toys all over the place.  
  
Syl watched the car drive away, then finally turned to go back inside. She hadn't expected Max to make it a full year. Six months, maybe. Apparently the short-tempered brunette was stronger emotionally than she thought. Syl knew one thing for certain, though: Logan Cale was in for one hell of a surprise when Max got back to Seattle.  
  
**********  
  
There was always that excitement that comes with moving on to a new place, like it was a great adventure to be experienced. And for 99% of her trip, Max looked forward to finally going back to Seattle and back to her old life. The city had become the one place she truly felt home.  
  
But fifteen miles from town, the excitement left and anxiety took over. Max was nervous about everyone's reaction to Jordan. Especially Logan's. She knew she wouldn't be able to just waltz back into their lives, expecting everything to be normal again. They might be hurt and angry with her because of her abrupt departure. Simply put, Max could make everyone's life a whole lot easier if she would just turn the car around.  
  
However, she couldn't do that to Jordan. Many months ago, Max had convinced herself that raising a child while living on the run would work out okay. As long as they were together, they could live a happy life. It took awhile for Max to finally realize that on the run, her daughter would grow up fatherless. She might be able to tell herself that Logan's life would be better off that way, but in her heart she knew Jordan's wouldn't be. So, she would have to endure the hurt and the anger from her friends for a little while if it meant Jordan could have two parents in her life. In the long run, this was the best solution.  
  
Before she realized it, Max was in the Seattle city limits. Her first stop was supposed to be Cindy's place, but Max doubted she was off of work yet. As a result, she was left wondering where to go. There was no way she would go to Logan's right now. She just wasn't ready to face him yet. Max would need the moral support of her friends in order to see him for the first time. So, with nothing else left to do, she decided to tour her old hometown.  
  
Crash looked like nothing and changed, as did the rest of the city. Graffiti covered every brick and rotting garbage lined the streets. The buildings that had been in ruins before were still piles of concrete. Seattle was still a broken down world, complete with a homeless family on every corner.  
  
Passing by JamPony, Max narrowly missed being caught by Sketchy. Her former coworker had been leaving work on his bike to head home when she drove by. He may have gotten a glimpse of her, but surely he didn't get a good enough look to realize it was Max. For a moment Sketchy paused, as if trying to determine what his eyes had seen. Finally he convinced himself it was all in his imagination and moved on, never even noticing the baby in the back seat.  
  
Dusk was just beginning when Max arrived at her old apartment. The tall building loomed over her, intimidating the normally tough genetically engineered soldier. Max had hoped Cindy would be willing to take her and Jordan in and let them stay there until they found their own place. But now, all that mattered was seeing her best boo again. She'd worry about the rest later.  
  
Carrying her daughter, Max hesitantly entered the building. Her pulse quickened with each step closer to the door. This was it. The deciding moment. It wasn't Logan's opinion that was important to her. She would stay in the city whether he wanted her to or not. But if her best friend wasn't at least a little happy to see her, Max wasn't sure she would have the strength to stay.  
  
Finally standing in front of her former home, Max took a deep breath. She could hear Cindy's music blaring inside the apartment. A quick knock and the music quieted. The door opened. For the first time in almost two years, Max looked into the eyes of her best friend.  
  
"Hi." 


	3. Black and White People

Disclaimer: We all agree that I do not own any of these characters or any aspect of Dark Angel, right? If not, just nod your head yes and humor me, because I promise that I don't.  
  
A/N: Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted. Unfortunately life interjected itself into my writing ability, and this was the quickest I could get this chapter done. Of course, if I were to get 15 reviews or so, the next chapter might come out quicker (hint, hint). Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. You guys make my day!  
  
  
Black and White People  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
At that moment, a bomb could have exploded in the apartment and Cindy would have been oblivious to it. She stood in the doorway, silent, attempting to convince herself of the identity of the woman before her. Voluptuous lips emphasized deep chocolate eyes, surrounded by long tresses of dark curls. Dressed in black jeans and a gray turtleneck, the tall woman seemed extremely familiar. Unfortunately Cindy's severely shocked brain found it hard to process all the information.  
  
"Max." She finally concluded. "You're back."  
  
"I'm back," she replied with an affirmative nod. Max let out the breath she had been holding. At least Cindy wasn't yelling at her yet. But she wasn't smiling, either.   
  
Cindy stepped back to let her visitor inside. "Come on in. You have a lot of explaining to do."  
  
Entering the apartment, Max noticed her former roommate hadn't changed much about the place. All of the pictures of Max were gone, replaced by snapshots of other smiling faces. The small alcove to the left once occupied by Cindy now held just an empty bed and a box labeled 'Max's Stuff'.  
  
"I know," Max finally admitted. She sat down on the couch and placed Jordan in her lap. "Not everyday a woman shows up at your door with a baby in her arms."  
  
A very surprised Cindy stopped dead in her tracks. She'd been so focused on Max before that she didn't even notice the little girl. Sure enough, right in front of her rested a miniature version of the X-5, down to the tiny brown ringlets of hair. "What the hell are you doing with a baby?" she exclaimed.  
  
Startled, Max forewarned herself to keep cool. "I'm taking care of her. She's mine."  
  
Cindy's eyes narrowed. "Hold up. You aren't trying to tell me what I think you are, are you?" She'd known Max for years as tough and untouchable. There was no way that same woman would ever become a mother.  
  
"I think I am. Original Cindy, I'd like you to meet my daughter. Jordan Guevara."  
  
Cindy's jaw literally dropped. "You're serious. Wow. I see things really changed for you after you left." Max nodded. "So she's like eight months old now, right?"  
  
Max cast her glance downward. "Actually, her first birthday was last week."  
  
The black woman shook her head. "That doesn't make sense. If she's a year old, then that means that you were only pregnant for... Oh god. I can't believe this. You were pregnant before you left. That's why you ran, isn't it? It wasn't because of Manticore at all. You took off because of her."  
  
This was exactly what Max had hoped wouldn't happen. She honestly never meant to hurt anyone by leaving, but how could she convince them of that?   
  
"Cindy, you don't understand-"  
  
"You had me worried out of my mind! At first I thought Manticore had captured you, until I realized you'd taken your bike. So then I assumed you went away with Zack to escape the black helicopter dudes. Now I find out you left without saying goodbye, and your life wasn't even in danger!"  
  
The baby began to cry from the loud voices. Max held her tightly, finding her own eyes wet with tears. "I know, Cindy, I know. I'm really sorry. Just let me explain. Please."  
  
"Aiight." Reluctantly, Cindy pulled up a chair across from Max. "I guess I ought to hear what you have to say."  
  
Max took a deep breath. "I promise I never planned leave. It just happened. I took the pregnancy test, it came out positive and I ran. I was so scared I never even thought about anyone but myself."  
  
"Damn right about that," Cindy bitterly responded. "You could have at least called."  
  
"And I should have. But somehow I thought it would be better if I just stayed out of your lives for good." She looked directly into Cindy's eyes. "I was hoping everyone would just forget about me and move on."   
  
How many nights had Cindy spent looking out the window for Max? How many times had her heart stopped when the phone rang, believing just for a second it might be her? As hard as she tried, there was no absolute way Cindy could be angry. This was what she had wanted all along.  
  
"Max, look at me. I told you long ago that you were my Boo for life. That hasn't changed. I may be a little upset with you right now, but I'll get over it. I could never forget you. Ever." Tears were now overflowing from both sets of eyes. "But only if this means you're back for good."  
  
"I am. Definitely. I always wanted a real life and at one point I'd actually found one worth living. It took me almost two years, but I eventually realized Seattle was my home. You are my home. I'm not planing to just give that up any time soon."  
  
Jordan let out a squeal of happiness, almost as if she sensed the change in the mood of the room. Cindy laughed back and pinched one of the little girl's toes, teasing her. "Well then that settles it. You and this cutie are going to stay with me."  
  
"Are you sure?" Max questioned. She was planning to ask, but was waiting for the right moment. "It would just be for a couple of weeks until we can get our own place."  
  
Cindy smiled. "Why not? It'll be just like old times."  
  
"Old times plus an infant," Max reminded her.  
  
She shrugged. "Yeah, well, no big dealio. Can't be as bad as learning bout the black helicopters for the first time." They both chuckled in remembrance of past events. "As long as you tell me one thing."  
  
"What?" Max asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
A devious little smile appeared on Cindy's lips. "Is Jordan's father who I think it is?"  
  
Max stood up and walked away in attempts of avoiding the question. "You just had to ask that, didn't you?"  
  
"Of course. You knew it would come up at some point." She followed Max into the kitchen and cornered her. "So spill."  
  
If Cindy wanted to play word games, Max could too. After all, she wouldn't say his name if she didn't have to. "How about you tell me who you think her father is."  
  
Cindy just sighed. "I think he's the guy who sent out a search party to look for you as soon as you disappeared, then staked out our apartment for two weeks to make sure you weren't just hiding from him. I wondered why he thought you would be hiding from him. I guess now I know."  
  
Max stopped making her daughter's bottle and stared, dumbfounded. "He really did that?" she breathed.  
  
"Depends on who you think I'm talking about."  
  
"Fine," Max surrendered. There was just no way to get around this. Might as well admit it now. "Logan is her father."  
  
"I knew it!" Cindy shouted, her face practically glowing with excitement. "You two tried to tell me you weren't like that-"  
  
"We're not!"  
  
"Like hell you aren't!" she shot back.  
  
"Whatever." No use arguing. With a mind as stubborn as Cindy's, there was no getting through. "Did he really stake out the apartment?"  
  
"Yep." Cindy wandered to the window and pointed down to the street. "Sat right over there for two weeks with binoculars and take-out. Just watching."  
  
Max was starting to get a bad feeling about this. Maybe she had underestimated Logan's feeling for her all along. In her mind, their night together was only a result of her heat, regardless of what she felt for him. But if he had believed it was more, then that would change everything.  
  
"Why'd he finally stop?" she asked, a somber look in her eyes.  
  
Cindy turned away from the window. "We had all figured you were really gone by then. I guess he did too. I'm assuming of course that Logan doesn't know about the baby yet."  
  
"No he doesn't," she replied, ashamed. "I'm going to tell him soon though."  
  
Cindy wrapped her arms around Max as she had done so many times before. "Boo, please tell me you didn't come back here hoping to get with him again."  
  
"No, of course not." Her hand found Cindy's and squeezed. "Whatever happened between us was a long time ago."  
  
"Glad to hear that," she said, releasing her arms. "Original Cindy don't wanna see her girl get hurt."  
  
"Like there was any chance of us getting back together anyway."  
  
Cindy gasped. "So you two were together!"   
  
Note to Max: Never forget your roommate is constantly looking for excuses to get you and Logan together.  
  
"No! It was just a one-time heat thing between us. Now will you drop this?"  
  
"Sure boo." No need to pressure her now. She'd get the truth out eventually. "How bout telling me where you been all this time."  
  
"Well now there's a long story." Once again holding Jordan, Max plopped onto the couch next to Cindy. "Basically I found my sister Syl and she helped me through everything. We moved around a lot, but it was nice having a sister with me."  
  
"And do I get to meet this sister?"  
  
Max shook her head. "She didn't come with me, if that's what you're asking. But considering I know where she is now, you'll probably meet her eventually."  
  
"Cool," Cindy smiled. "Listen, I've got plans to meet my peeps at Crash soon. You wanna come?"  
  
"With a baby?" Max asked sarcastically. Cindy would have to learn a lesson or two about being a parent, such as you just don't bring infants to bars. Especially when your friends don't know about the baby yet.  
  
The other woman rolled her eyes. "I know that. We'll get Kendra to watch her. She's expecting a baby with Walter in a few months, so she hasn't been at the party scene recently. Plus the practice could do her some good."  
  
"Kendra and Walter? Really? That's so... gross."  
  
Cindy stood up to get ready. "Yeah, well, you'll get used to it. So are you coming or not?"  
  
Max grinned. "You better believe I'm coming!" 


	4. In Technicolor Dreams

Disclaimer: We all agree that I do not own any of these characters or any aspect of Dark Angel, right? If not, just nod your head yes and humor me, because I promise that I don't. Also, the title for this chapter and the previous one comes from Matchbox Twenty, so don't sue me for using them!  
  
A/N: First I want to thank everybody for your wonderful reviews. You have no idea how thrilled I was to read them all. Second, I want to promise everyone that I will finish this story. It might be another couple of months before I do, but that's just because I'm slow at writing and editing. I know where I want to take the story, and I'm constantly working on it. And now I know there's actually people reading it, I'll push myself a little harder. Okay, that's all for now. Enjoy the story, and don't forget to leave a review!  
  
  
In Technicolor Dreams  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Crash was a part of Max's life long before she met either Kendra or Cindy. To her the bar was a place to relax and have a beer every once in a while, or shoot a game of pool. She quickly learned that she could scam some stranger out of twenty bucks at Crash very easily. And when that dreadful time came around every few months, Max could pick up a random guy from the bar and give in to her body chemistry without being angry with herself afterwards. Life was easy back then. She didn't give a damn about anyone except herself, and she didn't have to. But that just wasn't the case anymore.  
  
Max wasn't sure when her life had gained meaning. She hadn't even realized it had changed until the day Zack asked her to leave Seattle. She'd easily refused his request, determined to stay where she felt happy. Maybe it was the fact that she'd found a true friend in Cindy. Or maybe it was because none of her real family had been around for the past ten years. Whatever it was, something had broken through her soldier exterior and exposed the heart inside. Max had found people she cared about. And that had made all the difference.  
  
Entering the bar, Max took a minute to observe her surroundings. The furniture hadn't changed much. These days businesses could care less about spending money on redecorating. The music sounded the same as well. And the place still held that familiar casual atmosphere that made it so popular. However Max did notice that there was a cute new bartender serving drinks behind the counter. After spotting Sketchy in the back, hitting on some girl no doubt, Max and Cindy made their way down the stairs to what they hoped to be a joyful reunion.  
  
"I cannot believe you started the party without me, Sketchy!" Max yelled from across the room. "I tell ya, a girl's gone a year and they forget about her."  
  
The poor drunken idiot froze in his chair, not sure whether he should believe his ears. "Tell me that's Max and I'm not just imagining things," he begged.  
  
"You're not, my friend." She grabbed his shoulders and turned him around to face her. "See? It's really me."  
  
Sketchy jumped out of his chair with excitement only to find himself almost falling flat on his ass. Apparently he had forgotten that people tend to lose their balance after consuming a pitcher of beer. But he managed to get it all back together to scoop Max up into an enormous hug. "It sure is great to see you again, Max. We've all been worried about you."  
  
She let out a breath and grinned like she had been waiting for him to say those words. Did she really have a reason to believe he would say otherwise? This was Sketchy of all people. And by the way he was holding her so tightly, he meant what he said. "Thanks, Sketchy. I missed you a lot, too. But you don't need to squeeze the life out of me."  
  
Original Cindy felt the sudden need to step in and protect her boo. "Yeah, Sketchy, put my girl down. You can't kill her. She got a kid to take care of now."   
  
Sketchy released his arms as Max shot a nervous glance at Cindy. Oops. Maybe it wasn't the greatest idea to broadcast her secret just yet. "I'm sorry Max," he apologized. "I'm just so happy to see-wait. Did she just say kid?"  
  
Max couldn't keep herself from laughing out loud. "Always a little slow on the uptake, aren't ya Sketchy? Yep, it's true. I have a little girl named Jordan."  
  
"A little girl, huh? Congratulations. I bet she's pretty hot. Do I get to meet her?" he teased, wiggling his eyebrows.  
  
Cindy smacked him upside the head. "She's just a year old, fool. She's not some chick you can pick up from a bar."  
  
He put his hands up in defense. "Relax, Cindy, I was only kidding."  
  
"Yeah, boo, don't worry." Max flashed them a grin. "He knows I can kick his ass if I need to. Now are you going to introduce me to the girl you're with or do I have to do that myself?"  
  
"You're right, I'm sorry." He grabbed the hand of the platinum blonde woman and pulled her next to him. "Max, I'd like you to meet Nicole. Nicole, this is my good friend Max."  
  
"So nice to meet you," Max stated with the sweetest smile she could fake.  
  
"You too," Nicole replied. Funny. She sounded as brain-dead as she looked.  
  
Max decided it was time to get this party started. "How about I go get us another pitcher of beer, and you can tell me all about the events of the past year that I've missed."  
  
"Sounds good to me, Max." Sketchy eagerly handed her the empty pitcher on the table. "You know I'm always up for free beer."  
  
"No doubt about that. I'll be back in a few."  
  
Everyone seemed to be handling this whole baby thing pretty well, Max thought to herself. Her nightmares hadn't come true at all. It felt good to be home again, too. Those other places had been nice temporary shelters, but nothing would compare to a place you could call home. And Max was thrilled that Jordan would grow up with a life like she never had.  
  
Max turned back to the bar, noticing the place had gotten slightly more crowded in the past few minutes. It wasn't even late yet. Business seemed to be doing much better than it had been two years ago. Either that or her eidetic memory wasn't so perfect anymore. Regardless, Max could feel the stress practically slide off of her body in anticipation of the night to come.  
  
Glancing up at the doorway, Max saw yet another group of people coming inside. A group of people that just happened to include a particular bright-eyed man with spiked hair and wire-rimmed glasses. Of all the places in Seattle, Logan chooses to come to Crash tonight. She groaned. This was not the way it was supposed to happen.  
  
Max abruptly stopped all movement, leaving herself standing in the middle of the room in plain sight. Her mind screamed at her to get out of the way before he saw her and she reminded herself that she was planning to talk to him later, in private. But she couldn't move. And she couldn't take her eyes off of him, either.  
  
On impulse Logan glimpsed up, looking directly at Max. Neither person dared to take a step. Seconds ticked by and they held eye contact, ignoring every other person around them. For the longest time Logan's expression remained blank, almost as if he didn't realize it was her. Then everything just came rushing back. He remembered how he was there for her when she needed a man she could trust. How it hadn't just been about sex for him. How he had put all of his feelings of love for her into that one passionate night. And how she had disappeared afterwards like he'd been some toy she had gotten bored with.  
  
Logan's eyes suddenly burned with a rage brighter than Max had ever seen. He turned around and ran out the door before she could even take a step. She followed him, but not quickly enough. By the time she reached the outside he was already in the car. They were only twenty feet apart, only she wasn't chasing him. She knew it wouldn't do her any good. He wasn't planning on listening to a word she had to say, anyway. Instead she just stood there and watched as he started the engine. Her eyes caught his in the rear-view mirror and he was unable to hide the dejected expression on his face. They shared one long, final look before he drove off into the pulse-ridden streets of Seattle, desperate to get away from her.  
  
'I blew it,' Max thought to herself. 'He sees me for the first time in almost two years and I'm kicking back with my friends like I haven't got a care in the world. What the hell was he doing here, anyway?' She sighed. 'I'm sure he probably hates me by now. He doesn't even know about Jordan yet. And that makes telling him the truth about his daughter all the more difficult.'  
  
A depressed Max turned around to head back inside, remembering what she was supposed to be doing in the first place. At least the bartender was nice enough to her. He didn't even bother with asking for her number, even though in other circumstances she might have offered it to him. Walking back to the table with a fresh pitcher of beer in hand, she plastered a phony smile on her face. This is a night to celebrate with her friends, not a night to deal with her problems. They don't necessarily have to know about this encounter with Logan just yet.  
  
"Hey boo," Cindy called out. "What took you so long?"  
  
"Slow bartender," Max hastily replied. Cindy gave her a funny look as if she didn't quite believe the excuse, but didn't push it any further.  
  
"No big dealio," she reassured her friend. "Come on, that pool table is calling out your name."  
  
Maybe she would wake up and realize this had all been a dream. A vivid, realistic, Technicolor dream. Perhaps they were all just black and white people living in her imagination, trying to make themselves believe life was better than it really was. And if not, then she'd simply have to get flat out drunk tonight and make herself believe it. Forget Logan. She'd find a way to deal with him later.  
  
Everything may not have gone according to plan tonight, but Max had found herself able to relax for the first time in a long time. It really did feel good to be home again. 


	5. Routine Surprises

Disclaimer: We all agree that I do not own any of these characters or any aspect of Dark Angel, right? If not, just nod your head yes and humor me, because I promise that I don't.  
  
A/N: Thanks again everyone for your wonderful reviews. I realize many of you want to know if this is M/L or not. I think for the most part that it is, though there are some things that will make the non M/L readers happy, too. It all depends on how I write the ending. But that won't be for another few chapters, so you'll just have to sit back, enjoy the story, and wait.  
  
  
  
Routine Surprises  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Max and Cindy finally arrived home from Crash, completely plastered of course, around four in the morning. By that time Kendra had fallen asleep on the couch. They woke her up and sent her home, but not before promising to get together with her soon for a girl's night out. Kendra made sure Max would bring Jordan along as well. Speaking of which, the little angel had barely made a sound all night. She continued to sleep in the portable playpen that substituted for her crib, even through the noise of the ladies' arrival.  
  
Once everything had gotten quiet, Max wandered into her bedroom to watch Jordan rest. This had come to be one of her favorite pastimes on nights when she herself couldn't get to sleep. With all of the emotion and excitement of the night, however, Max was yawning in a matter of minutes.  
  
She bent down to kiss her daughter goodnight, deciding to take a small nap, when some movement caught her eye outside the window above the crib. A bird, maybe, or a tree in the wind, it was too dark to tell. But then it moved again and this time Max saw a glimpse of a hand. Instinctively she thought of Logan. Part of her had hoped he would come to see her in order to talk things over. The other part had assumed he was too headstrong to make the first move.  
  
She watched the figure come out of the shadows and gasped when he looked directly up at her. It wasn't Logan. It was Zack.  
  
Max tried to convince herself this wasn't happening. He couldn't possibly be doing this to her. Not tonight. She even blinked a few times but he remained standing in the street below. In fact, he had a puzzled expression on his face like he wasn't expecting to see her either.  
  
"Hey Cindy," she called out as she drifted towards the door, "can you watch Jordan for me for a minute? I think I need to catch a breath of fresh air."  
  
Cindy stuck her head in her bedroom doorway. "Sure thing boo. No problem."  
  
Max sprinted out the door and down the stairs. She wasn't quite sure how he'd found her so quickly after she left Syl, but she wasn't really shocked. Zack had a habit of showing up every so often out of the blue. Plus he had never wanted Max to return to Seattle and he must have been furious when she'd done it behind his back. Apparently Zack thought he could just come after her and force her to leave like some child. Well he was wrong. Max had listened to him for too long. This was her own life and she was going to live it how she pleased.  
  
Barreling through the door, Max sauntered over to him, fearlessly, and he hardened his expression in attempts of intimidating her. They stood on the sidewalk beneath her apartment, oblivious of the stares of the drug dealers and the homeless nearby. "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" she yelled before Zack could say a word."  
  
"I was about to ask you the same thing." It had been six months since they last met face to face. That was the longest Max had gone without seeing Zack since Jordan was born. She must have been due for another one of his routine visits. "You shouldn't be here," he pointed out.  
  
"Well neither should you, but that didn't stop either one of us." She tilted her head to one side and added on a layer of cynicism to her words. "So how did you know where to find me, anyway?"  
  
Zack shook his head. "I didn't. I wasn't looking for you."  
  
"Oh, so you came to Seattle for no reason at all?" She placed both her hands on her hips. "I bet you go back to Gillette all the time, too."  
  
He narrowed his eyes in frustration. "I came to make sure Manticore hasn't caught up with your past life yet. That would include your old apartment."  
  
Every bit of Max's sarcasm instantly dissolved into an empty feeling of nervousness. If Zack had been in town recently, he could've seen everything. "Does that include Logan's apartment too?" she asked in a small voice. Hopefully Zack hadn't made his presence known to Logan while he was in town. It probably wasn't the best idea to mix the two men right now.  
  
"Normally it does, but I haven't been there yet," he curiously answered. "Why?"  
  
"Nothing. Nevermind."  
  
Zack thought about her question for a minute, wondering why that was so important to her. Then it began to make sense. She had stupidly come back to Seattle like he knew she would and had more than likely brought Jordan along with her. Now she's worried he may have already seen Logan. "He's the reason you're back here, isn't he?" Zack accused. "You're trying to create your own perfect little family with Logan."  
  
"This is not about Logan," she insisted. Her anger was surging back once again. "This is about me raising my daughter in a place where I'm happy."  
  
"A place where her father just happens to live," he retorted.  
  
Zack had no right to insinuate something that idiotic and she was planning to make that very clear to him. Max took a step towards her brother, placing them mere inches apart. She transformed her tone so much it sounded more like a feral hiss than a human voice. "First of all," she explained to him, "Logan didn't even know I was coming back to town and if it weren't for the fact that he saw me at Crash tonight, he still wouldn't have a clue. Second, I never told him about Jordan and you damn well know that. So what makes you think we're going to just settle down like a happy family now?"  
  
"Because he's in love with you and has been since you left."  
  
She hadn't seen that comment coming, and it hurt. He meant for it to hurt. It seemed like every time he surfaced again they had to have the exact same argument. Max truly didn't have the energy or the mental capacity to go though this anymore.  
  
She turned away from him, closing her eyes, taking a deep breath and calming her voice. "We've already been over this, Zack. There is no Logan and me. We were together only that one time during my heat. I took off when I found out about Jordan, and I haven't seen or talked to him since."  
  
"But that doesn't change the fact that he was the one with you that night," he argued. "Whether you want to believe it or not, you chose to be with Logan."  
  
He was absolutely right. She had chosen to go over to Logan's apartment, knowing full well that Zack had been in Seattle at the same time, only a few miles away. A part of her always believed Zack held a grudge for that fact. But what he didn't know was that she had never planned to go as far with Logan as she had. Sometimes feelings are just too hard to control.  
  
"I am not getting into this with you," she firmly stated, still facing away from him. "And I am also not leaving Seattle. So you can either be a real brother to me and get off my ass or you can get the hell out of my life. It's your choice. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a baby upstairs to take care of."  
  
The instant she started to walk away, Zack grabbed her arm and pulled her back to look at him. "I don't want you in this city, Max." He emphasized his point with one of his typical scowls. "But I guess there is nothing I can do to keep someone as stubborn as you from doing what you want. I'll be back in a few days. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone."  
  
She watched him disappear down the street and around a corner before she headed back up to the apartment.  
  
"You okay girl?" Cindy asked when Max walked through the door.  
  
"Yeah," she sighed. "Just a little excess brotherly love to deal with. Nothing I'm not used to by now."  
  
Cindy gestured towards the window. "Looked like you two were havin' one hell of a scene down there."  
  
"Well that's Zack for you," Max laughed to herself. "Don't worry, he's been saying the same old crap for years. I barely even listen anymore."  
  
Cindy nodded. "Good to hear. In that case, I think it's about time we finally hit the sheets."  
  
She gazed out the window toward the Seattle sky. "I think you're right. Something tells me tomorrow's going to be an exhausting day."  
  
Max noticed a shooting star as it traveled across the darkness and wondered to herself what Logan was doing now. Having her brother around sure made life a little more difficult. As a result, she decided she ought to tell Logan everything tomorrow before Zack chooses to do it for her. The last thing she needs is to cause a bigger scene than the one she already knows is coming.  
  
Then again, she could just send Zack over there instead and have him deal with it. No, she told herself. She never said coming back was going to be easy. This was something she had to do on her own. 


	6. If Only He Knew

Disclaimer: We all agree that I do not own any of these characters or any aspect of Dark Angel, right? If not, just nod your head yes and humor me, because I promise that I don't.  
  
A/N: This is it, the chapter you've all been asking for. I think I've tormented myself enough over it. Enjoy reading, and be sure to leave a review when you're done. And no, this is not the end of the story.  
  
  
  
If Only He Knew  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The impending front door of Logan's apartment stared down at Max in a contest of courage. She wanted to open it. She wanted to walk in and tell him everything, but it just wasn't that simple. The door had become more of a barrier to her than the gateway it used to be. She needed more courage just to cross it this time. And all because she had an idea of what was waiting for her on the other side.  
  
Last time, she remembered, things had been so different. Logan had known her body was in heat and yet he still let her in without any hesitation. They thought they could handle it. After all, Max made it through dinner with no problem. Unfortunately, they both underestimated the power of lighting a few candles. Those candles prompted Logan to turn on a little music; the music led to a slow dance in his living room. And then it was a matter of inches before her lips met his.  
  
Max snapped herself out of her reverie. Reflecting on past memories wasn't going to make her current situation any easier. Besides, no matter how much she thought about that night, things weren't going to change. She had lost control of herself. And so had Logan.  
  
At last Max gathered every bit of her courage, grabbed the silver handle, and turned. She expected him to be right on the other side of the door, waiting for her to show up. She expected to listen to him scream and yell at her for acting so immaturely. But when the door opened she found the apartment desolate, its rooms lit only by the bright orange haze from the setting sun.  
  
He had to be here somewhere, she decided. She'd seen his car parked in the garage downstairs. So as stealthily as she could, Max made her way around the apartment looking for him. In the living room, a mess of newspapers and photographs buried the coffee table that used to be kept spotless. And behind her the computers were still running even though no one was currently around to use them. It was like Logan no longer cared about anything, including his precious Eyes Only. On second thought, she hadn't heard any news of a hack in well over a year. Maybe he had given up.  
  
The rest of the apartment turned up empty as well, leaving Max only one place left to look. Walking down that last hallway, the one that led to the master bedroom, tormented her memory to the point that it almost brought tears to her eyes. She managed to hold them back but it was still painful knowing how that one night changed her entire life. Max didn't really regret it. Jordan was the greatest thing that ever happened to her. She only wished everything had occurred under different circumstances.  
  
After what seemed to her like an eternity of searching, Max ultimately discovered Logan in his bedroom. He sat facing the tall windows, his body slumped over in his chair. An empty bottle of red wine rested on the table beside his bed; the corresponding glass lay shattered on the ground beneath it.  
  
Cast by the hall light, Max's shadow crawled across the room until it reached the floor next to him. He glanced down at it, not the least big surprised to see it, and then lifted his head to concentrate on the outside world again. Ever since he saw her at Crash the night before he figured she would eventually come to see him, even if only out of her own guilt. It was only a question of when she would show up.  
  
"I don't know what you want," he confessed aloud, using the same words he had picked to say to her hours ago. "You have already taken so much from me, what else is there for you to have?"  
  
She cautiously took two steps into the room. "I didn't come here to ask for anything. I—I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry."  
  
The sound of a cold, bitter laugh echoed between the walls. "For what?" he demanded. "For lying to my face? For convincing me you actually had a heart? Or for taking off only once the money ran dry?"  
  
"That's not what happened," she whispered, only half confident. "I wasn't trying to use you."  
  
"No, you just hung around and spent my money until I finally slept with you." Logan turned and looked at her for the first time that night. "It's okay Max, really. I understand."  
  
His hands forcefully grabbed the wheels of his chair and he quickly left the room. She followed him into the kitchen, despite the fact that he obviously didn't want to be near her. She was not going to let him get away that easily. Not when she had already come this far.  
  
"That wasn't me in that bed, Logan," she stated with a little more certainty in her voice than before. "You have to realize that. What we shared was only a result of the Manticore inside of me."  
  
A bottle of whiskey appeared from behind the counter, followed by a fresh glass. He filled it almost to the edge, then immediately downed half of its contents. "You know, you could say the same thing about that other guy you slept with, whatever his name was. Except you didn't leave town after him."  
  
If he had been paying attention, he would have noticed the slight drop in Max's composure. She had never offered the details of that night to Logan and he had never asked, both of them wanting to forget all about it. Four months later, when the next wave hit, they almost had.  
  
"His name is Rafer," Max admitted, though her conscience tried to tell her otherwise.  
  
A look of surprise and sadness washed over Logan's face. "I see," he mumbled, turning away from her yet again. "I guess I didn't realize he was that important to you."  
  
"I never said he was, Logan. You're not listening to me."  
  
"Well then explain, Max." He spun his chair around to look her directly in the eye. "Tell me why you didn't run after you spent the night with Rafer."  
  
Her mind flashed back to that one-room apartment in Miami when she was nine months pregnant and in pain. There was only one explanation to offer him. "Because I didn't get pregnant with Rafer."  
  
For a long moment Logan just sat there, confused. But when he realized what Max was really saying, his expression faded into a simple understanding. His rigid body fell back into the chair, weakly collapsing under its own weight. "You took off because you found out you were pregnant. With my child." Everything made sense to him now. All this time she'd kept running just so he wouldn't find out about the baby. Her fear of an intimate relationship between them drove her away.  
  
But there was one thing that he couldn't comprehend. "You never told Cindy anything?"  
  
She dropped her head, ashamed. "I wanted to get out of Seattle. She would've tried to stop me."  
  
"She had a damn good reason to, Max!" He waited for her to look back up at him before he continued. "How could you do this to me? How could you leave without even saying goodbye?"  
  
Because by the time she realized what she had done, Max wasn't willing to turn around. "I couldn't stay here, Logan. I couldn't see your face knowing I was carrying your child. Knowing such a wonderful thing was only the result of a hormone induced, meaningless night of sex."  
  
"Meaningless," he muttered, shaking his head to himself. That certainly wasn't the impression he had gotten. "Just… just leave, Max. Please. I think I've had about as much of this as I can take for one night."  
  
She turned to go, but decided she couldn't leave without at least having the last word. "I'm not asking you to be a part of this. I can do just fine on my own if I have to." She swallowed, trying her best to hide the lump in her throat. "But then someday I'll have to tell your daughter why her father doesn't want to see her. You need to ask yourself if that's what you really want."  
  
Logan watched as she walked away from him, knowing it was probably for the last time. He'd waited for her to come back for months and now that she had, he'd just let her disappear again. Distantly he heard the slam of the front door followed by the chime of the elevator. He drifted towards the window, feeling the need to at least watch her drive away. But it wasn't the Ninja that pulled out of the parking lot with Max behind the wheel.  
  
Those first few weeks after she'd left, once he finally understood that Max was gone forever, Logan developed a deep, dark depression. She had become his entire life. Everything he did had revolved around her in some way. And when she took off, he let alcohol consume him so that at least the pain wouldn't. Eventually he pieced his life back together, but only enough to make it appear normal from the outside. It was never really the same. He was always standing on the edge of a cliff, waiting for the force that would throw him into the oblivion below.  
  
Seeing Max at Crash again was enough to pull him back into the darkness. In his mind he felt useless and unwanted, rejected. He knew Max was only coming to see him out of pity, and he didn't want that. So he acted like a jackass.  
  
But then she hadn't felt sorry for him or tried to comfort him. And she hadn't ridden off carelessly into the night on her Ninja, either.  
  
He almost couldn't believe she'd given up her motorcycle. The one thing of value that she'd held onto and cherished like nothing else, and she'd given it up. For his child. A child whose name he didn't even know, because he'd been too preoccupied with his own selfishness to ask. She'd spent the last two years raising his daughter. All he'd done was wallow in his own self-hatred.  
  
It suddenly occurred to Logan that Max wasn't the same woman that left him nineteen months ago. She was better. 


	7. More Important Things

Disclaimer: We all agree that I do not own any of these characters or any aspect of Dark Angel, right? If not, just nod your head yes and humor me, because I promise that I don't.  
  
A/N: One more chapter after this, and this story will finally be done. Hopefully this chapter isn't too bad. I'm not sure if I'm satisfied with it or not. Please review and let me know if you're enjoying this story. And thanks once again to everyone who has already reviewed.  
  
  
  
More Important Things  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Max stood in the shower, letting the drops of hot water trail down her body. Somehow Cindy had managed to get her hands on another hot water heater and not let it fall through the ceiling this time. Yet another benefit of being home again. In Max's mind, euphoria was nothing more than a long, steamy shower that washed away all of her troubles, even if it only lasted for a little while…  
  
For the hundredth time of that week, she tried to convince herself that Logan's opinion had never really mattered to her. She could live her life without him, right? If that were true, then why had she spent every minute of the last three days staring at the phone, hoping it would ring? Truthfully, Max cared about Logan more than she wanted to admit. Ultimately she was going to have to face that fact. And at that time, her only two options would be to stick around and deal with the problem, or pack up everything she owned and leave.  
  
But she couldn't disappear on Cindy again, not like last time. Besides, running from her problems weren't going to make them go away. She'd already had to learn that difficult lesson.  
  
The stream of water finally turned cold and Max shut the nozzle off. Immediately Jordan's soft giggle drifted through the bathroom doorway, startling her. The baby usually napped for at least another thirty minutes. Unless, of course, somebody else had woken her up…  
  
"Hey Cindy, you're home early." she called out, throwing a robe around her body. "Don't tell me Normal finally gave you the day off."  
  
"Hey, Maxie." But the voice she heard wasn't that of an eccentric black lesbian. Instead it belonged to the overbearing older brother standing in her living room, rocking Jordan back to sleep.  
  
"Zack. Should've known it was you." She could hear the coldness in her voice. Max hadn't meant the harsh tone, but she had more important things on her mind besides dealing with the ritual behaviors of rogue X-5's.  
  
"Don't look so surprised, little sister," he responded, placing just the slightest hint of a smile on his lips. It was almost as if he knew something she didn't. "I told you I was coming back."  
  
Her quiet feet padded across the floor and stopped next to his. "I know. I just didn't expect you back so quickly."  
  
Something seemed off about Zack. He was actually being personable, and Max couldn't tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Probably a result of the mysterious trip he took this week. She'd ask him where he went, but he would only lie to her or avoid the question. That's just the way Zack operates.  
  
He brushed off her last remark with another smile-like twitch, turning his attention to the baby girl in his arms. "She's gotten so big, Max. Jordan looks more and more like you every time I see her."  
  
"She certainly has," Max answered with a smile of her own. Motherhood had softened her. "Turning a year old will do that to a baby."  
  
He looked over at her, remembering. "A year old, huh? Guess that was about twelve months ago."  
  
Max would never know he'd been there that day. The baby had come and she'd looked so happy and Zack had felt like an outsider, knowing he'd never have that chance. Knowing he would never be anything more than a soldier. It had taken him a month just to see her face to face again and meet his niece for the first time. But even then he felt Max was secretly laughing at his chosen way of life. He'd felt the same way when he discovered she'd gone back to Seattle, as if she thought the life of a soldier wasn't good enough for her.  
  
"Did you go see him?" he asked, looking at Max out of the corner of his eye. He watched as her happy expression melted just a little.  
  
"Yeah, I saw him."  
  
Zack wrinkled his forehead in confusion. "Guess everything didn't go as well as you'd planned."  
  
That was an understatement. Max had wanted Logan to be happy about being a father. Instead he'd basically kicked her out of his apartment and shut her out of his life.  
  
She sighed. "He was already angry about me taking off. Telling him that I gave birth to his child and then hid it from him didn't exactly put a smile on his face." Max looked down to see Jordan already fast asleep again, looking quite comfortable in her uncle's arms.  
  
"So what aren't you telling me?" Zack questioned. She stared up at him in shock until he continued. "I always knew when you were hiding something, Max. You might as well tell me what's really going on."  
  
That wasn't completely true. She'd done a lot of stuff back at Manticore that he still didn't know about. Ever since they escaped, though, her brother had been a harder person to lie to.  
  
"Logan hates me. And he doesn't want to be a part of Jordan's life." Zack's image blurred behind a layer of tears. She'd held everything back for three days now, trying to prove it wasn't there. Apparently she couldn't lie to herself anymore, either. "He never even asked for her name," she whimpered.  
  
A hand reached over to wipe away the tears spilling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Max." He didn't say anything more, but he didn't have to. She understood the concern in his eyes. It was enough for him to just be there for her, like the big brother she always wanted but never had.  
  
The moment eventually passed, and Zack placed Jordan back into her makeshift crib. "I've got a message for you," he said softly. A wrinkled piece of paper appeared from inside his pocket.  
  
Hey Little Sister. I found myself a place just outside of town and I think I'm gonna stay awhile. He knows where to find me. Don't let him push you around too much. –S  
  
Did this mean Syl was moving to Seattle? If so, then why hadn't she said anything before? Zack had a knowing look on his face. "You knew about this?" Max asked him, eyes full of wonder and surprise.  
  
He shook his head. "I must have a habit of accidentally running into you two. Caught Syl up here on her way to see you."  
  
She pondered that for a minute. It almost made sense. He would never allow Syl into the city if he knew Max was here as well. The note smelled of Zack's influence, too. Just in case Manticore captured him, there wouldn't be any specific information to lead them to the other X-5's.  
  
"So are you going to tell me where she is?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Zack lips actually widened into a real smile this time. "Her place is about 45 minutes from here, in a little town on the outskirts of Seattle. I told her I'd show you where it is as soon as you can get out of town."  
  
"Seriously?" A grin spread across her face. "You're actually permitting us to stay in contact?"  
  
He shrugged his shoulders. "Well I figured you'd probably do it whether or not I wanted you to. Only as long as you're not both living in Seattle. It's bad enough just having you and the baby here."  
  
"I think I can deal with that. Thanks, Zack." She wrapped her arms around him, causing his cheeks to turn a little red. He must not be used to praise. Especially when it comes from his siblings.  
  
"So when can we go see her?" she questioned when they pulled apart.  
  
Zack glanced at the clock. "How fast can you get dressed?" 


	8. Finding Finally

Disclaimer: We all agree that I do not own any of these characters or any aspect of Dark Angel, right? If not, just nod your head yes and humor me, because I promise that I don't. The inspiration for this chapter, as well as the title, came from Lisa Loeb's song "Truthfully."  
  
A/N: Okay, here you go, the last chapter! I almost can't believe it's finished! Huge thanks goes to Trice, my superb beta. She's made this chapter ten times better than it would've been. And of course I must thank everyone for once again leaving me wonderful reviews! If you haven't yet, I'd love it if you let me know you're reading this :) Now please enjoy!  
  
  
  
Finding Finally  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
For a post-Pulse broken economy Syl had managed to get her hands on some damn good popcorn. Between her, Max, and Zack, they'd already gone through two bowls of the stuff. "I'm not kidding!" Syl exclaimed as she sat down on the couch between the other two carrying a third bowl of the snack. "You need to go back over there and talk to him. Grab him by the balls if you have to." Her lips curled up into a devious little grin. "You know that's what I would do."  
  
Max rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you would do that, Syl. Literally." Her sister had always been a little wild, never hesitating to do whatever it took to get the mission done. That part of her had obviously never changed. "But I don't want to-"  
  
"-obligate him into anything. I know, Max, you keep saying that. But I thought you wanted Jordan to have her father in her life. Isn't that why you came back in the first place?"  
  
Max sent her sister a glare, trying to ignore the stern look on Zack's face. Okay, so she lied to him a little about not coming back because of Logan. He was just part of the reason she returned to Seattle. But big brother would not have understood that she really wanted Logan to be a father to Jordan and not necessarily a lover to herself. The possibility of something more between them had only crossed her mind a few dozen times.  
  
"Don't you agree with me, Zack?" Syl continued. "Logan should be a decent father to Jordan, whether or not he wants to be. Which, by the way, I'm sure he will once he actually sees his daughter."  
  
The tone in Syl's voice was a little harsh, but it got the point across. Max cringed and Zack just sat there, a stunned look on his face. He knew all about the dangers of coming between feuding female X5's and preferred to keep his fingers safe. "I'm not getting into the middle of this. Max already knows what I think."  
  
Syl impulsively threw a piece of popcorn at his head. It landed in his lap and he glanced at it, then proceeded to pick it up and toss it into his mouth. Max grinned. Syl growled. "Shut up. You're supposed to be helping me out, Zack." When he didn't respond, she grabbed the phone from the coffee table, shoving it towards Max. "Here. Call him and tell him you want to talk. Tell him you'll bring Jordan."  
  
She wanted to touch the telephone, but she couldn't. What would she say to him? Logan was the one who kicked her out. And even if she did call, he wouldn't know who Jordan was. He barely knew he had a daughter in the first place.  
  
But that was her fault, not his. She was the one who chose to never pick up the phone and call. She was the one who decided to show up again without warning, leading him to believe the worst in her. She was just as responsible for this situation as he was, if not more so. He deserved a second chance. She had to call him.  
  
Just as her fingers reached out to grab the phone, however, a shrill beep echoed throughout the room. A few seconds passed before Max realized it was her pager. "It's for you," Syl emphasized when her sister hesitated to look at the display.  
  
The number looked familiar. "It's Cindy." It's just Original Cindy. Max let out the breath she'd unknowingly been holding, relieved it wasn't someone else. She still wasn't ready to talk to him. Of course, the thought never crossed her mind that he didn't even know the number.  
  
She picked up the telephone and dialed, waiting for the other woman to answer. "Hello?"  
  
"Hey boo." Her voice sounded calmer than she felt.  
  
"Hey Max. Didn't mean to bother you at your sister's place, but there's something here I think you need to see."  
  
"What is it?" she replied worriedly.  
  
Cindy paused for a minute, like she was unsure of what to say. "You better see it for yourself, boo."  
  
"Okay, I'll be there." Her pulse began to quicken as she sighed and hung up the phone. "I've got to go home," she told her brother and sister. Syl nodded and Zack gave her one of his typical looks. "You're not going back to Seattle with me, are you?" she asked of him. He shook his head.  
  
The three rose and exchanged farewells before Max collected Jordan. One last hug for her sister and a thank you for her brother and then she was driving back into town, frantically worrying about the person she subconsciously hoped was waiting for her back home.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
The keys in her hand rattled as she messed with the lock. Her right foot began to tap with impatience. Something important was waiting for her behind the door and Max couldn't help imagining what it might be. Or who. She just wished she hadn't gotten her hopes up for nothing.  
  
Jordan squirmed in Max's arms, reflecting her mother's restlessness. If only the damn door would open... The key failed to turn for the fifth time and she silently threatened to kick it down. But she'd given up breaking in a long time ago. Then again, Cindy had to be home already, so that meant...  
  
Max grabbed the knob, turned her wrist and watched as the door easily swung open, never having been locked in the first place. A curse almost escaped her lips.  
  
Inside, the apartment looked relatively untouched. It was quiet. Max heard the shuffling of feet against carpet in the bedroom, and Cindy appeared in the doorway. "You have a visitor," she said, nodding her head to the right. Then she brushed past the mother and child and out the front door, muttering something about leaving them alone for a while. Max couldn't quite tell because she wasn't listening. She had already focused her attention on the father of her child.  
  
Logan hadn't exactly planned to show up at Max's apartment now. He wasn't even entirely sure when his mind had made that decision for him. Maybe his heart had taken control. Regardless, here he was staring at the two most beautiful people in the world. One he'd known and loved for a long time. The other unknown to him at least for now, but loved all the same.  
  
Too many important moments of his daughter's life had already passed. Logan might not have had the chance to participate in those, but he wasn't going to miss her future. He was still angry with Max; part of him would probably always be angry. But that part was futile now as he recognized his own eyes in the child before him. She was truly beyond beautiful. A perfect ending to the one night he wished he could experience forever.  
  
He realized Max was speaking to him, though at the moment her soft words were having trouble reaching his thoughts. "I have to admit you surprised me, Logan," he finally heard. He looked over to notice she wouldn't make eye contact with him.  
  
"Well that makes two of us, then. I didn't expect to see you ever again."  
  
She knew he wasn't referring to the other night, but rather her disappearance all those months ago. Her last attempt at an apology hadn't gone so well. Logan deserved a lot more, but this would be a start. "I'm sorry I took off. Honestly. I was irresponsible and stupid, and I never should've left like that. I just."  
  
"I know," he finished for her. "I understand, or at least I'm trying to." He wouldn't ever be able to forget, though, and that killed her inside. Logan took a deep breath, trying to build up his confidence. "I apologize, too. I actually thought you'd deserted me, so I lashed out. You didn't deserve to be treated like that."  
  
The last thing Max ever expected to do today was forgive him. Yet here he was, apologizing to her, just like she'd been waiting for him to do. And here she was, forgiving him, because she couldn't help herself. Her stubborn nature couldn't hide her true feelings any longer.  
  
"Do you think we can start over?" she asked of him, eyes pleading.  
  
"I'd certainly like to try."  
  
"In that case, there's someone you need to meet." She closed the distance between them, stopping just in front of his wheelchair. "This is our daughter, Logan. Jordan Cale Guevara."  
  
He took Jordan out of Max's arms and held her for the first time. His hand lovingly brushed the side of her face. She really was his daughter. Jordan grinned then and Logan found it hard to keep back the tears. The past no longer mattered to him. This was his future.  
  
Max started to turn away, uncomfortable watching the heartfelt scene before her, but Logan grabbed her arm. This was their moment to be a family and he wanted her to be a part of it. She gave him a puzzled glance at first, but the look in his eyes told her everything she needed to know. Dropping to her knees, she wrapped her arms around him and rested her head against his shoulder. He kissed her forehead and held both of his girls close, mother on one side and child on the other, finding comfort in the world for the first time since the night their lives had changed.  
  
Somewhere between the tears, a few whispers broke the silence. "Don't leave."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere."  
  
It surprised Max that she could be this happy. She hadn't wanted to admit it, but Logan made her life complete. He always had. Seattle had become her home because of him. And as he held her close, letting her tears drop onto the fabric of his shirt, the problems of her world seemed to fade from her mind. She wasn't sure where they would go from here, but she hoped this thing between them would finally work itself out.  
  
For the first time in a long time, even before the morning she had woken up in Logan's arms, Max was smiling truthfully again.  
  
END 


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